No Longer A Celebrity

Well, is there a clear cut answer? If we look closely do most celebrities have a "freshness date"?: "Please use every 5 years or dispose of." Let's lift the sanctions that govern this site for a moment, and let's imagine that some celebrities have a purpose--this won't hurt, I promise. When does the celebrity get stripped of his or her title and become a regular Joe? Does their claim to fame that lasted for a few years in the 50's hold true in 2003? I say no. Simply because an actor hit it big at one point does not allow them to carry the title to the grave.

Let's take Robert Blake. Is he a celebrity? At one point, maybe 50 years ago. The only reason, and let me make this perfectly clear, the only reason he is even anywhere near a reporter is because he murdered his wife. Plain and simple. His career ended when Baretta flickered off the air. To call him a celebrity in this day and age is like saying Little Nicky (Adam Sandler) was a good movie. It simply isn't true.

Bobby Brown, can he still be considered a "pop star"? When is the last time he not only released an album, but stepped one foot into a recording studio? Fetching coffee for his wife does not count, sorry. Once again, as with Blake, the only reason Brown is in the news is due to his brush with the law.

What it boils down to is that we cannot allow these stragglers to hang onto their, albeit loose, grasp of a status that no longer applies. I'm not just talking to the movie going public, this message is also directed to you Mr. De Niro, Mr. Hanks, Mr. James Earl Jones, and you too Miss Berry. Make it your business, your civic duty, to weed out the foul stench of celebrity death.

If these so-called celebrities wanted to keep their freshness date updated they should have signed-on to the Hollywood Squares. How do you think Whoopie Goldberg stays in the limelight?

Adoption Flea Market

I pose these two questions to you: Are infants better off being adopted by celebrities simply because they have money? Are they promised a better future, education or home life simply because mommy or daddy, or both, are entertainers?

In some ways, both are true. Having money in the house, we’re talking millions, will make anyone’s life easier, especially an adopted infant who had no certain future. They are brought into a wealthy atmosphere, no worries about where clothing, meals or possessions will come from. They are, for all intents and purposes, “taken care of.” They travel with their new mommy and daddy to the four corners of the globe, eat in lavish restaurants, meet important people, walk down the red carpet at award shows and are usually adored by the press.

But there in lies the problem. They are usually brought up in a whirlwind of confusion, photographers and bodyguards. These so-called “saved” babies are exposed to warped sense of reality by being surrounded by the very entity that supports them. So I say both questions are false, in many ways.

Let’s look at, for example, Michael Jackson and his house of circus. He is one of the most popular and recognized entertainers in the world. However, even with all of his money, fans, awards and Gold albums, we, as a society have over-looked one crucial aspect of his make-up: his mental stability. Yet, with all of his peculiar, freakish oddities and wild front page grabbing antics, he is still allowed to adopt children, or even more so, allowed to father children (which is a completely different topic and there is not enough time nor internet space to address it here). And why is he allowed to adopt children? Money honey. Look at what transpired in Germany. Not only hanging his child over railing on his hotel balcony, but covering their heads and faces with something that looks like it came right out of a medieval marriage ritual? Is this a normal upbringing for these innocent children? Being exposed to someone like Jackson? I think not.

Are Angelina Jolie’s babies better off with her, or a middle-class family in Kansas? We shall see. What about Calista Flockhart...is she a stable mother? Look what (the now deceased) Anna Nicole Smith did to her (biological) son. And Madonna, the courts breezed through her adoption paper work simply because she was a good mother? Or was it money. Mental stability is part of the normal and routine checks and balances when adopting a baby, however. Are these measures over looked if there is an Academy award sitting on the shelf?

Let us know your own opinion: andrew@nomoreaffleck.com

Where Is The Mute Button?

Due to the recent outbreak of the celebrity opinion machine concerning the war in Iraq, I felt I needed to bring to the table my 2 cents as it were. I can safely say, plus or minus a couple 100,000 US citizens, that we do not care about your views. That is to say, we do not care about your views. Simply because you are a well-known singer, actor or sports personality, this does not automatically equal your words mean anymore than the average Joe Blank. Unfortunately, the simple-minded folk of this country feed off your every word and thusly, you begin to think your voice means something to us. Sorry, it does not.

Now, this is not to say that your voice doesn’t carry any weight. Or it goes unnoticed, not at all. Look what the lead singer of the Dixie Chicks did for her band! Although radio stations might very well start playing their Cds again, they are now experiencing a nice long MUTE, due to the outspokenness of one ill-informed little girl. Way to go and Yeehaw!

Why are we, and I say we with large, breast-implanted quotes, so enthralled with what the silver screened have to say? Are they better than us? Smarter than us? More informed than us? I say no. Simply because Martin Sheen plays the president on TV does not give him any more insight to the going’s on with the real president than you or I. However, his voice is heard over mine simply because he is in the public eye and people respect him. Maybe not the evil that is Martha Stewart, but most do.

What this all comes down to is that when I watch an awards show, which is very rare, I find myself leaping for the remote every time some flash in the pan, hip-hop, white trash, baseball hitting, basketball dunking, Pepsi endorsing, ribbon wearing, “Gee I have a thought”, fool has a mic in front of them and uses it to express themselves. Before you start talking, attention any member of No Doubt and Limp Biskit, think for a moment: do these people really care what I have to say, aren’t I just a tool of the industry? If you stop and ponder what I just proposed, I think you’ll make the right choice.

Let us know your own opinion: andrew@nomoreaffleck.com

Throw Away The Key

We all know that celebrities receive special treatment from judges and the judicial system. Let’s not fool ourselves, it’s been going on for decades and there’s not much we can do about it. However, even if we keep on turning our ticket buying cheek, let’s pull one of these A-list folk, and make a martyr out of them. Lock ‘em up, and throw away the key. We don’t have to convict all of them, nonsense. First of all it will never ever happen, second, they have too much money and will always make bail. I say take one of these ticket dodging locals and stick them in jail. Look at it this way; if it were you or I in Robert Downey Jr.’s shoes, we’d be in Jail, for over a year already, making sweet love to our new girlfriend Big Larry; or Big Suzie.

If we continue to sit back and allow “them” to pass by unscathed that is exactly what they will do. Bribes, payoffs, slick talking can go, and should go, only so far. I’d love to see one ballsy judge send a celebrity to a real rehab, and not some cushy Beverly Hills palace. Seeing Yasmine Bleeth in her mug shot without make-up, hair tangled and looking like complete crap, also sends, in some twisted way, a message to our young, impressionable, female teens. It says, look! What you see in the magazines is not true. It takes hours of make-up, lighting and camera tricks (in the case of Courtney Love) and Photoshop to make most celebrities look the way they end up in magazine spreads.

Take stock in our society people: We live in an environment where we place a section of individuals on such a disgustingly high pedestal that they can’t get down, nor do they wish to. Some of them can’t even start to think about existing without their status. Wait in line at the grocery store, never. Wait a second. Buy my own groceries, never! I know I am being a bit more cynical than needed, but I hope you get my point. There are a good number of celebs out there that put themselves above everyone else, because you put them there. True, I watch movies and TV, but I try to restrain myself before I put my favorite actor so high up I can make out the pattern on the soles of their shoes.

Let us know your own opinion: andrew@nomoreaffleck.com

Trendy Religions

It seems every half hour there is a new trend erupting from the rectum of that which is Hollywood. From the latest pair of shoes, hairstyle, bracelets, car or which celebrity is the hottest ticket for the next say, 5 minutes, and therefore bouncing from lover to lover and thusly, from bed to bed. This is all palatable, to an extent of course. I mean even Dennis Miller’s long-winded, tangent banter can become as overwhelming as the dualistic nature of the dung beetle who jumps from mound to mound of animal droppings wishing once, just once, he could have a Cappuccino, sit down with his friends and contemplate about their lives and how it reflects within the wonders of the question: Why are we here. But, I do not want to get off on a rant here.

Where I draw the line, amongst the multitude of shinny things that make difficult celebrity life bearable, is the constant and immediate attachment to what I can only describe as Religion Motion Sickness. Or RMS for those of you who are paying attention. It seems to this cynic, whatever Madonna has accepted into her life at any given day, all the village idiots seem to place down their torches, cease their witch hunt for Martin Lawrence’s career, and blindly follow. It is not my intention to center my attention on Madonna, not at all. She is merely being used as an example. For the latest and greatest Cabala (Kabbalah) craze has touched all of those who are slightly touched in the head.

As written on the www.jewishencyclopedia.com:
The specific term for the esoteric or mystic doctrine concerning God and the universe, asserted to have come down as a revelation to elect saints from a remote past, and preserved only by a privileged few. At first consisting only of empirical lore, it assumed, under the influence of Neoplatonic and Neopythagorean philosophy, a speculative character. In the geonic period it is connected with a Mishnah-like text-book, the "Sefer Ye_irah," and forms the object of the systematic study of the elect, called "me_ubbalim" or "ba'ale ha-_abbalah" (possessors of, or adepts in, the Cabala). These receive afterward the name of "maskilim" (the wise), after Dan. xii. 10; and because the Cabala is called ("_okmah nistarah" = the hidden wisdom), the initials of which are, they receive also the name of ("adepts in grace") (Eccl. ix. 11, Hebr.). From the thirteenth century onward the Cabala branched out into an extensive literature, alongside of and in opposition to the Talmud. It was written in a peculiar Aramaic dialect, and was grouped as commentaries on the Torah, around the Zohar as its holy book, which suddenly made its appearance.

Now I might be placing myself on the thin tip of a branch called chance, but most of the celebs we see on the TV and the movies, have a difficult enough time understanding what “inspires” their character to even half understand the above statement (not that I do of course.) These weak, simple minded individuals seem to be in such dire need to have themselves grounded, they latch onto anything that seems remotely trustworthy and completely devote their time, and what the “church” hopes for, their money to boot. Religion has been downgraded to a rusty wheeled bandwagon that has been jumped off and on more times than Cher. Cabala for celebrities has no more staying power than Criss-Cross wearing their jeans backwards did for teens. Religion is not looked upon a sacred way of expression, or way of life, it is merely seen as a brand new avenue for t-shirts, wristbands, diets and whatever else stores like Jaqueline Jarot can squeeze out of their trend setting orifice.

Let us know your own opinion: andrew@nomoreaffleck.com